Moving through a breakup? This is for you.
In January of this year, I had my heart broken. Badly.
I wasn't sure that I would ever share about my break up. I wanted (and still do) to keep my healing journey very private, as it's a very personal thing, moving through heartbreak. As is many things within any relationship. And while I have finally hit the big red button to share this, there was still some resistance in doing so. Because while I am sharing more of my life on social media and in blog posts, there will always be things that I keep for just me and those I am closest with. Boundaries are an integral part of how I operate and maintain a sense of equilibrium.
However, I have learnt a lot of things over the past few months, and had some incredible guidance and tools that got me through some of the tougher moments, and I would like to share those with you. Because break ups, be it a romantic relationship, or a friendship, can be really tough. Filled with a whirlwind of heartache, anger, doubt, pain, tears, fear, recalibrating, breakthroughs, steps back, leaps forwards. And if I can help even one person find their way back out from under the bed covers where they have been hiding with Netflix, ice-cream and a bunch of soggy tissues, then it's worth it.
Everyone has a different journey when it comes to relationships, and again when it comes times to part ways. Many of will know of the phrase "conscious uncoupling", but alas, not everyone has the good fortune of that experience.
Everyone will move through things at a different pace, and while it's a bit shit, there is always going to be someone that thinks you're not doing it right. From "gee, you guys are moving a bit fast aren't you?" through to "wow, well you got over them quickly", or the dreaded "ugh, aren't you over them already". It can sometimes feel as though everyone has an opinion. But let me make this very clear, when it comes down to it, the only one that really matters, is yours. While it's perfectly fine (and usually a really good thing!) to seek the support and advice from loved ones, always listen to your intuition and do what feels right for you.
Here are some of my biggest lessons in losing love.
1. There is no right or wrong and there is no perfect time frame
When you're moving through a break up, there is no definitive right or wrong, there is just what feels right for you. Same as there is no right or wrong length of time that it should take to get over an ex.
There are many variables in a break up. Was it them that ended it? Was it you? Was it amicable? Maybe it was messy AF.
No matter what love looked like for you, don't let anyone discredit the emotions that you're feeling. And don't feel the need to put on a time frame on your healing journey. Or to feel that your journey should include certain "rules". There will be good days, not so good days, and it can be quite an unpredictable rollercoaster of emotions that can be set of by triggers that you didn't even know would be triggers.
2. Let yourself cry
Feel it all. All of the emotions that flow through you. Don't be afraid to let yourself cry.
While this can be challenging, when you let yourself feel these emotions, rather than suppressing them, they can be moved through. Storing that low vibrational energy does more harm than good, even if at the time it feels worse to be working through it.
3. Keeping your brain in check
The Limbic system is involved in many of our emotions and motivations, particularly those that are related to survival such as fear and anger. The limbic system is also involved in feelings of pleasure that are related to our survival.
The limbic system gathers information from our environment through sensory information. As you would have experienced firsthand many times, your senses can alter your emotional state rapidly. And during the past few months, I have used this to my advantage during my healing journey.
If you follow me on Instagram or read my blog regularly, you will already know that I am a huge advocate of essential oils. And never before have I found myself reaching for them so much. Applying them topically and using them aromatically to support my emotional state in any given moment. The experiences I had were so powerful, allowing shallow breathing to deepen, tears to turn to smiles, or just the way frankincense can leave you feeling like you've just had the spiritual hug of a lifetime.
4. Working with a break-up coach is amazing
There is absolutely no shame in seeking out someone to help you through this time. If things have been especially difficult, perhaps working with a counsellor or therapist might be a good decision, but for me, I happened across a break up coach. And she was amazing.
Grace was recommended to me by a good friend of mine, and after connecting with Grace I knew that working with her was something I needed to do.
The Break Up to Breakthrough program has shed light on so many things I haven't ever realised before, and really had me diving deep into who I am, what my values are, what my desires are. Grace created a safe space for me to share, and offered incredible support and mentoring that helped me to shift the things that needed to be shifted. With no BS.
Finding a coach such as Grace, with an incredibly big heart, that can facilitate your journey back to your higher self and leave you feeling empowered is very worthwhile investment.
So beautiful, if you're nurturing a very tender heart, or know someone who is, share this and try these four things to see if it could be the start of your own beautiful healing journey.
As always, IG is my digital playground and you can find me there as @yenceramics for all the BTS and happenings.
Lots of love,